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One of my mates got really excited, when in a movie a big hairy monster grabbed the hero from behind.
Risks are assessed on the basis of likelihood and potential consequences. What are the potential consequences of Australia not meeting the 2030 emissions target ?
Risks are assessed on the basis of likelihood and potential consequences. What are the potential consequences of Australia not meeting the 2030 emissions target ?
Larry S
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What the fuck Al? Step away from the keyboard and take your meds!
concours
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"I got a pop up ad on my phone app. "Would you like the be cremated?""
Most of the ex wife's family gets cremated.
The battle axe of a mother in law is getting ready to tip over.
I asked if she will be cremated? Ex said yes.
I asked why would she want to burn twice!
Then left the party.
Most of the ex wife's family gets cremated.
The battle axe of a mother in law is getting ready to tip over.
I asked if she will be cremated? Ex said yes.
I asked why would she want to burn twice!
Then left the party.
MikeG
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- May 31, 2012
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Too close yo the truth
concours
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- Dec 29, 2011
- Messages
- 9,455
robs ss
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Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.
The three men had always done everything together.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,
Cooter said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, “Nope, ain't Stanley.”
The mortician thought this was rather strange.
So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, “Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, “No, it ain't Stanley”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”
Gomer said, “Well, Stanley had two assholes.”
“What? He actually had two assholes?” asked the mortician.
“Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:’ There’s Stanley with them two assholes.'”
The three men had always done everything together.
Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,
Cooter said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, “Nope, ain't Stanley.”
The mortician thought this was rather strange.
So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, “Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, “No, it ain't Stanley”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”
Gomer said, “Well, Stanley had two assholes.”
“What? He actually had two assholes?” asked the mortician.
“Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:’ There’s Stanley with them two assholes.'”
robs ss
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- 3,567
Two builders, Phil and Eric, are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the 'suit'
Phil: “I reckon he's an accountant.”
Eric: “No way - he's a stockbroker.”
Phil: “He isn’t stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!”
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Phil and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the 'suit' is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.
Phil: “S’cuse me. No offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?”
Suit: “No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.”
Phil: “Oh! What's that mean?”
Suit: “I'll try to explain by example ... Do you have a goldfish at home?”
Phil: “Er ... Mmm ... Well yeah, I do as it happens!”
Suit: “Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?”
Phil: “It's in a pond!”
Suit: “Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden?”
Phil: “As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!”
Suit: “Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?”
Phil: “As it happens I've got a five-bedroom house ... built it myself!”
Suit: “Well given that you've built a five-bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?”
Phil: “Yes I am married; I live with my wife and three children.”
Suit: “Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?”
Phil:”Yep! Four nights a week!”
Suit: “Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?”
Phil: “Me? Never!”
Suit: “Well there you are! That's logical science at work!”
Phil: “How's that then?”
Suit: “Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!”
Phil: “I see! That's pretty impressive...thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Phil returns to his mate.
Eric: “I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?”
Phil: “Yep! He's a logical scientist!”
Eric: “What's that mean?”
Phil: “I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?”
Eric: “Nope.”
Phil: “Well then, you're a wanker!”
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the 'suit'
Phil: “I reckon he's an accountant.”
Eric: “No way - he's a stockbroker.”
Phil: “He isn’t stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!”
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Phil and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the 'suit' is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.
Phil: “S’cuse me. No offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?”
Suit: “No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.”
Phil: “Oh! What's that mean?”
Suit: “I'll try to explain by example ... Do you have a goldfish at home?”
Phil: “Er ... Mmm ... Well yeah, I do as it happens!”
Suit: “Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?”
Phil: “It's in a pond!”
Suit: “Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden?”
Phil: “As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!”
Suit: “Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?”
Phil: “As it happens I've got a five-bedroom house ... built it myself!”
Suit: “Well given that you've built a five-bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?”
Phil: “Yes I am married; I live with my wife and three children.”
Suit: “Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?”
Phil:”Yep! Four nights a week!”
Suit: “Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?”
Phil: “Me? Never!”
Suit: “Well there you are! That's logical science at work!”
Phil: “How's that then?”
Suit: “Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!”
Phil: “I see! That's pretty impressive...thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Phil returns to his mate.
Eric: “I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?”
Phil: “Yep! He's a logical scientist!”
Eric: “What's that mean?”
Phil: “I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?”
Eric: “Nope.”
Phil: “Well then, you're a wanker!”
Lineslinger
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