Post your jokes and humor here.

Voodooo

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Craig

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Wife’s code is worth watching , had a good laugh , we have 44 years in this July , not completely sure where all the years went but they are past .....
 
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Na, wouldn't work if you are as deaf as a lamppost!

Or if you really are desperate to do a number 2 that you have your pants down and you are letting go before you have a little "accident" !
 
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My Cousin Graham sent this one to me the other day:..............Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100."

After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.

Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.

Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?" Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' Reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's so good to have a friend you can trust.
 

robs ss

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An older man was in the supermarket the other day pushing his trolley up and down the aisles when he collided with a trolley pushed by a young guy.

He said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. What a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old bloke said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy said, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big breasts, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

The old bloke replied, "Doesn't matter; let's look for yours."
 

robs ss

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cjandme's post (#17) above reminded me of a good one I heard some time ago...

An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands.

He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid. As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices his accent.

Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place. Although she is attracted to him she says no.

He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him. As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees.

The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She thinks about the night before and is only too happy to agree.

This goes on for 5 nights.

On the 6th night the guy comes in again, orders a Fosters but goes and sits in the corner.

The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him and asks him where he's from in Australia.

"Melbourne", he tells her.

“So am I. What suburb?" she enquires.

"Glen Iris" he replies.

"That's amazing........." she says excitedly,"........so am I - what street?"

"Cameo Street" he replies.

“This is unbelievable......." she says, her voice quavering. “What number?"

"Number 20", he replies.

She is totally astonished. “You are NOT going to believe this........” she screams, "but I’m from number 22! My parents still live there!”

“I know..." he says, "Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you"
 
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