Post your jokes and humor here.

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marshg246 said:
It's all over the place here. My bins (trash, recycle, yard waste) go out Tuesday night for Wednesday pickup by the county. However, only part of the county has government pickup. You must hire a company in the rest of the country or go to the landfill yourself. It all ends up at the country land fill.

When I lived in Germany, we had two small bins. They inspected the contents. Recycle in the trash bin or vice versa, no pickup and a note (or big talking to). Also, they used a very sensitive metal detector to see if there was metal in the trash - a major no-no. I actually appreciated it as what's the point of recycling if it's not really done.
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Yep we have some of that also
We get what's called a" hanger " in my area
If you have the wrong rubbish in the wrong bin you get a hanger on your bin
Get 3 hangers and they won't collect anymore
Or something like that!
 
the joke was sent in to Tony Blackburn’s Saturday morning ‘60s pop show. He has just turned 80 and still does his live show from London on BBC Radio 2. As he says, all jokes are sent in by listeners. Here’s another one:

“ Apparently , the inventors of the ferris wheel and the merry-go-round never met. It was all down to the fact that they moved in very different circles”
 
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.
 
Backyard Philosophy
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so
I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing,
and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.
Unknown Author
 
MichaelB said:
Backyard Philosophy
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so
I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing,
and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.
Unknown Author
Click to expand...
You cracked that nut!
 
Post your jokes and humor here.
 
Another one from my cousin Graham: It goes like this: ...... While waiting at the bus stop one day, I noticed an oldish woman with a young girl hurrying for the bus, so I asked the driver to wait. The young girl ran ahead and then the woman shouted to the girl " Degree wait for me". I was amazed at hearing that name and being curious, I took a seat near them on the bus. So... after about a minute or so, I said to the woman "Never heard that name before". The woman laughed and said " I sent her mother off to University and this is what she brought home" :)
 
cjandme said:
Another one from my cousin Graham: It goes like this: ...... While waiting at the bus stop one day, I noticed an oldish woman with a young girl hurrying for the bus, so I asked the driver to wait. The young girl ran ahead and then the woman shouted to the girl " Degree wait for me". I was amazed at hearing that name and being curious, I took a seat near them on the bus. So... after about a minute or so, I said to the woman "Never heard that name before". The woman laughed and said " I sent her mother off to University and this is what she brought home" :)
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Ha! - thanks. Reminds me of one I posted a few years ago:
A man was waiting at a bus station when an elderly American Indian and his wife came into the station and sat close-by.
There was no-one else at the station so the man started a somewhat stilted conversation with the old Indian.
After a while he asked what the name of the Indian’s wife was.
“Her name Five Horses” the old man replied.
“Five Horses? That’s a different name. I don’t think I’ve heard that name before.” The man said.
“It old Indian name… it mean nag, nag, nag, nag, nag!”
 
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