Post your jokes and humor here.

  • Thread starter Thread starter Voodooo
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A little old lady finishes her consultation with her the doctor who says, “Is there anything else I can help you with Mrs Smith?”

"Well actually Doctor I do have this small problem with gas -- but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see Mrs Smith. I think I know the problem. Take one of these pills each day and come back to see me this time next week."

The next week the old lady comes back. “How are you Mrs Smith?” the Doctor asks her.

"Terrible … terrible," she says, "I don't know what was in those pills you gave me, but although my farts are still silent they smell terribly."

"Good, good!” said the Doctor “We've cleared up your sinuses, now let's work on your hearing."
 
Just finished drawing up plans for my new house build …

Post your jokes and humor here.
 
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard.

Then they heard voices.

Three men had broken into the greenhouse.

Scared, they called the police.

The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls.

The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again.

He told Dispatch, “Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!”

In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed!

One of the cops asked the old man, “I thought you said you shot the robbers and your dogs were eating them?"

The old man replied, “I thought you said, there weren't any officers available.”
 
Crazy lady at work some called Rampzilla gets a cut on her leg and heads to the office. Walks in and says "I've got a nasty gash!"
Manager replies "I think I'd be more worried about that cut on your leg right now" True story...and she didn't get offended..the good ol days...
 
concours said:
Crazy lady at work some called Rampzilla gets a cut on her leg and heads to the office. Walks in and says "I've got a nasty gash!"
Manager replies "I think I'd be more worried about that cut on your leg right now" True story...and she didn't get offended..the good ol days...
Click to expand...
The sad thing is, I've only got 5 friends I could tell that to that:
A) would understand it, and
B) would not be offended by it.
...and I have already told them all! The last couldn't wait to tell to his doctor/wife! 👍 👍 🤣
 
UK health service : the BBC has just said that the “ wards are bursting with patients”…… I suspect that there are plenty waiting for operations that are equally bursting with impatience……
 
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