Post your jokes and humor here.

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A man walks into a bar on a steamy hot day, sits down and orders an ice cold beer. A guy a few stools down says "that sounds really good, wish I could enjoy one". The first guy says "why don't you? you're in the right place for it". The second guy says " I'll try", and orders a beer. "Its like this he says. A year ago I was walking on the beach and found a magic lamp, rubbed it and a genie popped out. He gives me three wishes so naturally I asked for lots of money, beautiful women around me all the time and a 12 inch prick." I now have millions in the bank, more women after me than I can shake a stick at and".....about then the bartender sets an ice cold beer in front of the guy and a one foot tall man jumps up from the stool next to him, runs across the bar and kicks the fresh cold beer on the floor...".and here's that fucking 12 inch prick now."
 
Post your jokes and humor here.
 
Further to Eddies post.

Saw a similar thing here years back. When Sydney was preparing for the Olympics and building the Olympic village the officials tried to ensure that people with any disability would have relevant signage. For visually impaired there was tactile signage / raised button floor tiles to all access paths, stairs etc as well as braille signs for all toilet facilities etc. The signs had raised lettering as well as braille. All the braille signs were installed and it was only after a braille user felt a braille sign that officials were made aware that the braille section of the panel started with the words “put braille here” before the rest of the relevant braille.

David
 
MikeG said:
A man walks into a bar on a steamy hot day, sits down and orders an ice cold beer. A guy a few stools down says "that sounds really good, wish I could enjoy one". The first guy says "why don't you? you're in the right place for it". The second guy says " I'll try", and orders a beer. "Its like this he says. A year ago I was walking on the beach and found a magic lamp, rubbed it and a genie popped out. He gives me three wishes so naturally I asked for lots of money, beautiful women around me all the time and a 12 inch prick." I now have millions in the bank, more women after me than I can shake a stick at and".....about then the bartender sets an ice cold beer in front of the guy and a one foot tall man jumps up from the stool next to him, runs across the bar and kicks the fresh cold beer on the floor...".and here's that fucking 12 inch prick now."
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I heard one like that... from memory. A guy goes into a bar and sees what looks like a magic lamp on a shelf behind the bar. There's a tiny man playing a piano in the back of the bar. Probably only one foot tall. He asks about the lamp and the bartender says well, yes, it's magic. If you want to give it a rub, go ahead, the genie will grant you one wish. But be careful, he's sort of hard of hearing. The guy says sure, and when the genie appears he says gimme a million bucks. Poof, all of a sudden there are ducks flying everywhere. The bartender says - see what I meant? Do you think I asked for a 12" pianist?
 
Fast Eddie said:
If this offends any cyclists, or vegans, I really don’t care…

View attachment 116637
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Occasionally in the morning on my way to work there's a group of 6 cyclists all dressed the same
They ride 5 in a line
And one rides in the middle of the pack making it two abreast
This is around 7am and it's a narrow country road that's used very heavily for commuting
The traffic it's causes is unbelievable
And of course you can't legally overtake them in a car after the change in the highway code as the road isn't wide enough
I find it very odd that they do it ?
I could maybe understand on a weekend when it's not so busy!
 
baz said:
Occasionally in the morning on my way to work there's a group of 6 cyclists all dressed the same
They ride 5 in a line
And one rides in the middle of the pack making it two abreast
This is around 7am and it's a narrow country road that's used very heavily for commuting
The traffic it's causes is unbelievable
And of course you can't legally overtake them in a car after the change in the highway code as the road isn't wide enough
I find it very odd that they do it ?
I could maybe understand on a weekend when it's not so busy!
Click to expand...
Would they take offense if you drove inches off their back tire?
 
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