Post your jokes and humor here.

I bought a chicken to make some sandwiches.
It won't.
It just shits on the floor.

Here is one that has been told many times:
How do you know it is springtime in Toronto?
The Leafs are out.

BERT said:

Here is one that has been told many times:
How do you know it is springtime in Toronto?
The Leafs are out.

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Sorry - you'll have to explain that one to me

robs ss said:

Sorry - you'll have to explain that one to me

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Hockey playoffs are happening now and the Toronto Maple Leafs were eliminated last night. It is also springtime in this hemisphere so the leaves (leafs) are out.

Dogsbody said:

His wife angrily replied, “I gave it to you

You got into bed and put your hand up my nightshirt which I was NOT happy with

Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, “Skunk, killed with an axe.”

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A hillbilly couple was cruising down a country road when a skunk darted in front of their pickup truck.

Pa swerved but was unable to miss the skunk sending it rolling into the ditch.

Ma said. "You have to go back and see if that poor skunk is still alive!"

Finding the skunk dazed, but relatively unharmed, they decided to take it home to care for it.

As they drove away the drafts coming through the rusted out floorboards of the truck soon had the skunk shivering.

"Oh the poor thing, we must do something to keep it warm"! Ma exclaimed.

Pa suggested that she place the skunk under her skirt between her legs.

"But what about the smell?" Ma asked.

Pa replied. "I recon that skunk will just have to get used to it!"

A taxi driver picks up a fare in downtown Boston and it turns out she's a hooker. They get to her destination and the driver says " that will be $20.00 please." The driver turns around and the woman has her legs spread open and says "is this enough?" The cab driver says "got anything smaller?"

A newlywed couple are involved in an auto accident on their honeymoon and while both survive the bride is comatose for an extended period of time. One day a nurse is giving her a sponge bath and she notices that the patient starts to become responsive when the nurse bathes her genital region . She immediately calls in the doctor to observe and the doctor makes the determination to inform the husband . The husband arrives at her bedside and asks the doctor about the prognosis. The doctor feels that given the proper stimulation the patient may come out of her coma .
” That’s wonderful news “ exclaims the husband . ” What do we do next ? “
The doctor tells the husband that he ( the husband ) should engage in oral sex with his wife as that might provide the needed stimulation. The husband is very hesitant because of it seeming improper and also fraught with privacy issues.
The doctor convinces him by telling him that it is needed from a medical standpoint and assures the husband he will have complete privacy as the medical staff will monitor the patient and her vitals from the nurse’s station .
The husband reluctantly agrees and the medical staff leaves him alone with his wife and go to the nurse’s station to watch the monitors .
After a brief time the alarms start sounding and heart and respiration monitors flatline. The medical staff rushes in to find a bewildered husband .
” What in the world happened ? “ they asked the husband .
” I don’t know “ he said - “ she suddenly gagged and started to choke “

Elton John takes his pet rabbit with him to the gym.

It's a little fit bunny.

acadian said:

View attachment 95520

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It might work!

Just loved the attitude with this ad

So...does anybody know what happened to the Frogs car???? ….. It was toad.

I have just got a job in factory making Dracula models, there are only two of us, so I am making every second count.

storm42 said:

I have just got a job in factory making Dracula models, there are only two of us, so I am making every second count.

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Bad Joke! make brain hurt!!!!