Post your jokes and humor here.

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Students in an advance biology class was taking their mid-year exam, the last question was name 7 advantages of mother's milk and its wort 70 points or nothing, one student was hard press to answer 7 but he wrote down
1 its perfect formula for a child
2 it provide best immunity from diseases
3 it's aways the right temperature
4 it's inexpensive
5 it bonds the child and mother
6 it's always available when needed
Then the student was stuck, then just before the bell to end the test he wrote
7 it come in 2 attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground so the cat can't get it.

He got a A+.
 
So a piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says “Beat it, we don’t serve pieces of string here!” The piece of string was dejected, but resolved to get a drink, so he decided to disguise himself by ratting up his hair and tying a knot to resemble a necktie. Upon re-entering the bar, the bartender said, “Didn’t I already tell you once to leave? You are that piece of string, aren’t you?”, to which the piece of string replied, “Nope, I’m a frayed knot!”
 
A bloke was entering a nightclub when the bouncer stopped him and said "Hey! didn't you see the dress code?" while pointing at the sign. "No tie, no entry!"
The bloke was disheartened by this and went back to his car. He had agreed to meet some friends at that club and he didn't want to let them down.
He searched the car looking for something that resembled a tie.
The best he could come up with was a black jumper-lead. He carefully tied that around his neck and returned to the club.
The same bouncer eyed him suspiciously and said, "Alright, I'll let you in - just don't start anything!"
 
While on the subject of pub jokes...

A bloke walks into a Darwin pub dragging a live, eight-foot saltwater crocodile with him.

He says to the barman, “If I put my dick this crocodile’s mouth for 15 seconds without it being bitten off, will you give me free drinks for the night?”

The barman tells him he’s mad but agrees so, before the gathered crowd, the bloke slowly prises open the crocodile’s jaws and puts his dick between its teeth. The crocodile swiftly closes its jaws but stops just short of his dick. Then, after 15 seconds, the bloke hits it over the head with a beer bottle. The now-disoriented crocodile opens its jaws wide, allowing the guy to safely take out his dick.

The barman is shocked but, as agreed, starts serving the promised free drinks.

The bloke then announces to the bar, “If anyone else can do that, I’ll buy them free drinks for the night too.”

After a stunned silence a gorgeous young blonde steps forward and says, "Ok, I’ll do it - just as long as you don’t hit me on the head as hard as you hit that croc!”
 
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Guys is running late but has to get to the market.
As he's checking out he feels a tap on his shoulder.
The gal says, "Excuse me sir, your barn door is open."
Embarressed, he zips up and thanks her.
After a few moments he comments. 'Did you see the Monster Truck in there?'
No, but I did see a Mini Cooper with two flat tires....
 
Post your jokes and humor here.
 
You know.....all of the branches of the U.S. military have done away with their DEI programs except for the newly formed Space Force....yep they are going to need it when the invade Uranus !:rolleyes:

Alright Alright, don't shoot me okay:) How about this...Elton John was asked during a recent interview how good of a musician he thought he was... to which he replied, I'm pretty good on the piano but I really suck on the Organ ;)

One more and I'm outta here,,, It's been said that Liberace died of AIDS, but it was really food poison. Yeah he ate a bad wiener !:eek:
 
Two whales were swimming in the ocean when they came upon a whaling ship.

One whale looks at the other and says "that's the ship that killed my brother!" The other whale says "what do you want to do?"

The first whale says, "OK, here's the plan. We're going to fill our lungs with air and go right underneath the boat and blow as hard as we can! Our air will flip the boat over and the men will fall in the water and drown." Second whale says "OK, let's go."

So they got their lungs full and dove down beneath the boat. They blow as hard as they can and flip the boat over easily. The whales then wait while the men struggle to survive.

The first whale says "man, they're not drowning as quickly as I wanted them to. Let's eat them!"

The second whale says "I agreed to the blow job, but I'm not swallowing the seamen!"
Click to expand...
 
A man was riding on a bus minding his own business, a lovey looking lady sitting beside him with a baby and she started to breast feed the baby, the baby wouldn't feed so she said "come on baby have a feed, if you don't I give it to the man sitting beside me"
5 minute later the baby still wasn't feeding so she said again "come on baby please have a feed, if not I will give it to this man beside me"
A few moments later the anxious man said" come on baby make up your mind as I was suppose to get off 4 stops ago".
 
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