Funny stories while on your bikes

I never carried my Atlas tool kit or tire air pump, as i felt they would be tempting targets for thieves. In place of the tool pouch, i carried a rain suit. The rain suits in those days were nothing like the modern ones .... but my primary concern was that it fold up and fit in the underseat Atlas tool tray. My Atlas never had saddle bags for storage.

Between my 3rd and 4th year undergraduate semesters, I landed a summer job as a junior engineer. Professional attire (jacket and tie) was required. If I made the 30 mile commute to this job on the Atlas, the rain suit had to go, as I required a covering for my coat and tie. For this purpose, I used a military unlined fatigue jacket that I rolled up and stored in the tool tray.

Needless to say, I never rode the bike if rain was in the forecast, but on one fine day, either because no rain was forecast, or because I failed to check, I made the commute on the Atlas, and in the late afternoon, there came a gully washer. The rain came down in torrents for about 2 hours, and it was still raining when security closed the engineering offices and booted me out. With nowhere to take shelter, I resolved to get wet and make the 30 mile trip.

I soon found the roads to be gridlocked, as the low places, such as underpasses were flooded. Seeking an alternate route, as everyone else was, resulted in more gridlock, but I found myself on an unflooded boulevard, but with all auto traffic dead stopped. I went to "lane splitting" or riding in between the stalled cars. I know this was highly illegal and dangerous, but the cops would be in grid lock, the cars were dead stopped, and if I kept my speed to little more than the minimum to control the bike, I could stop if some guy decided to open his door in my path.

Soaked to my skin, I rolled up to a signal controlled intersection, the light cycling green-yellow-red over and over with no one moving either way. Being a law abiding driver, I waited at the intersection until the red light turned green.

While waiting, the window of the car next me opened, and the driver said "Hey, Hey! Let me ask you a question?"
"Sure, ask!" I said. He said "Don't you feel like an asshole riding that thing in the rain?" I looked at the traffic signal, until I saw the yellow come on for the cross traffic, then I turned to this guy and said "Yes, I do". He shot a grin ear to ear. Then I said "Now let me ask you a question?" "Sure, ask"! He said, still grinning.

I said "Don't you feel like an asshole sitting at the head of an intersection, (and pointing to the traffic signal) while you have a green light to go"?

His grin suddenly vanished, and i went thru the intersection continuing to thread my way between the cars.
 
When I left work on my triumph a couple of work mates would usually be at the bus stop just down from the factory
I could never resist doing some stupid stunt as I went past them usually standing on the seat or sitting sideways on the bike etc
but one night I brought my leg round to sit side saddle but I hadn't clipped the seat down properly (it was a hurricane unit on a bonnie) and the seat got jammed under my shin and as I tried to get it back the seat was now on edge underneath me whilst I was standing on the foot pegs but the seat base was made of fiberglass and had to be properly lined up before it would fit down,and I didn't want it falling in the road
My mates were pissing themselves whilst I was wobbling up the road trying get the poxy seat back down so I could stop without falling over
 
I have 3 best mates that we all hang out with when we get the chance one night we were all up the shed having a few to many beers when I came up with a little game called who can kick the Norton to life, first up was Brian who has never owned a British bike the ignition switch was in the on position, remember my bike has a hot motor and a JH maggie so should fire up easierly, well I through so anyway, five attemps only, after his five kicks he was buggered, then it was Steve's go he had a Commando when he was young and a Dunstal Commando later on in his years so through he would have a good chance, wrong again and he missed it as well, then it was Paul's turn he be the best one to be able to start it as he owned British bikes all his life but not a Norton, by this time we have comsumed a lot of beers, no luck with the first 4 kicks on the fifh one he was straggling and all of a sudden he's gone over and the Norton on top of him it was so funny we all were pissing ourselfs except for Paul of course, he didn't see the funny side of it.
After getting the bike off him we had a few more beers when the boys looked at me and said gone on if your so smart you start it up, well I just sat on the seat put my leg on the kicker and gave it a swing she fired straight up like it always does for me, turned it off and back on then kicked it again back to life, I did this 5 times and each time it fired right up, then got off the bike sat down and drank my beer it was all quite for a bit when Paul said f...ing smart arse.
It was a good night for all we have known each other for over 45 years and we always put shit on each other as good mates do, Steve and Paul are full on Harley riders now and they cop shit from me, I have stayed true British and they get pissed off when my old owned 43 year old Norton still gives them a hiding lol, but they give it back to me as good as I give it to them, thats what good mates are all about, by the way Brian has owned a 1935 Indian for over 40 years he just got it fully restored and back on the road after sitting in his shed for all that time, its a great looking Indain, now we just got to get him to start on his 1933 Ford coup hotrod.

Ashley
 
It was a super warm day in January, and several of my buddies and I had a date to go scuba diving. After dumping my dive tanks and gear into Walt's station wagon, I remarked that it was such a fine day, that I ought to ride the Atlas on down to the dive site.

After we spent most of the day in the water, we came out to dry, and then I noticed that a "blue norther" had come in, and the temperature had dropped 30 or 40 degrees. After saying that I was going to freeze my ass off on the 40 mile ride home, Walt said "Keep your wetsuit on. I'll keep mine on too, and ride double with you."

We rode about half way, then I signalled the guys in the station wagon to stop for coffee. Walt and I entered the establishment in our wetsuits. The owner stopped us just inside the door saying "You can' t come in dressed like that" "What's wrong with the way I am dressed?" I asked. "You're overexposed!" he said. "Overexposed, hell," I said, "there's nothing exposed except my hands and face!"

Walt said "would you let him in if he was wearing a jacket and tie?" "Of course", said the owner.

I continued to argue with he guy, but Walt was nudging me towards the door. When we were out of earshot from the owner, Walt said "I picked up my dry cleaning yesterday, and I happen to have two jackets and two ties in the station wagon" "Gotcha" I said.

So we went out to the station wagon, each of us donning a tie over the wetsuits with a nice Windsor knot, and a jacket. The owner, could not keep from pissing his pants when we came back in, and told us to seat ourselves.

Continuing the ride home, we stopped at a traffic signal, and some kid stared at us from the back seat of Mom's car, and then said "Hey Mom, look at the Phantom"! Anyone remember that comic strip?

Slick
 
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Did they also send you to get a left hand screw driver.
no mate sent to the stores to get a pr gloves tho by the store man don't be stupid it means a pair of gloves happy days and stood at the stores waiting for a tin of tartan paint how stupid were we at 16
 
In Australia the GOVT and police are cracking down on outlaw motorcycle clubs and their members and loud Harlies, on the news the other night a patch wearing cluby stopped outside of a police station and did one hell of a burn out, there was smoke everywhere but when he let go of the front brake he started to fishtail down the road where he lost it and went arse up in front of on coming traffic, by the this time I was pissing myself laughing, he picked his bike back up and trying to start it by this time the cops where running towards him when if finaly fired up and he just got away, it was all on camera his patch clearly shown as well as his number plate, what a fool it was so funny and being put on the nightly news, one copper said we will catch up with him but I think his other clubbies will get to him before us.

Ashley
 
Follow up to the story of the burn out outside the cop shop, today the police raided a house on a different matter and inside they found a male with injuries to his leg the male confessed to being the rider of the bike doing the burn out outside the police station that was on the news the other night and his injuries to his leg was from coming a cropper from the burn out, they ended up taking him to hospital to get patch up but his injured leg was more serious and was hospitalised, its also come out he wasn't a member of outlaw club, but he was wearing a patch of some sort, what a fool.

Ashley
 
Funny stories while on your bikes
 
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Last year on one of our monthly group ride with mates I grew up with and riding together dor on 50 years now we all have our choice of bikes and we always welcome new riders in our group, some times there only be a few of us and other months there be a big lot with us we don't care we just enjoy our monthly get together no matter what bike you ride or own.
Well this particular Sunday ride a new one showed up on a tough looking Harley with the fancy paint job and a young rider just wearing work boots, jeans and a cut off shirt showing his tatts, we meet early around 6am or 7am depends on the time of year, winter is always 7am, well this Sunday was in our Autumn and a bitt cooler in the mornings and on this day wad a wee bit overcast.
The new rider was a friendly sort of bloke but I asked him did he bring a jacket, a jacket why would I need one trying to be mister tough guy on my tough Harley I said ok, we normally do 400 to 500 km full day ride only stopping somewhere for a big brekkie and good chat.
Well the morning was cool and we were heading up into the Ranges as as we were getting higher up the clouds were closing in with temp drop, fog and rain on and off we were all nice and dry as well warm but our first stop the poor young bloke on his Harley looked like a drowned water rat and he was shivering from the cold I had a spare jumper in my bag and asked if he wanted to put it on, no thank I am right said mister tough guy but you could see he wasn't comfortable he also had a open face helmet and just a pair of sunnies.
Well he kept up the mister tough guy all day and you could tell he was cold but he was persistent in his tough guy looks with goose bumps all up his arms and probably his body as well, I kept asking him if he wanted the jumper many times to no thanks I am right.
At the end of out day out and comes time for everyone to go home their own way mister tough Harley rider was just about stuffed and look worst to wear, everytime he said he was right we all had a good giggle about the way he looked wet and cold although he got a lot of drying time and sun between clouds but you could tell he wasn't enjoying the day out, to me and my mates it was a great day out we were dry and warm and because of the overcast weather not many other bikes on the road.
Well we never seen our tough Harley rider again and the mate who brought him along said he was sick for 2 week with a bad cold/flu from that ride so he did suffer big time but he did keep up with mister tough guy image, we still have a good laugh over that day, but one good thing not like most Harley owners he did come out when it was overcast, wet and cold but I am sure next time he wear a good jacket and we were rubbing it into him on our stops, we just can't help ourselves.
 
Just rehashing this old thread as the other night while on the Triumph Rat forum there was a discussion about riding in rain and bad weather or getting caught out in heavy rain, when I remembered an old weekend bikers party a few mate and myself went too

Back in the early 80s the Rebels outlaw MC staged a full weekend out at Aratular the first one they had was in a valley out in the middle of nowhere just off the main highway heading south over the boarder from QLD to NSW, they had a big stage set up fully covered and a big bar area, bands were starting Friday night and going till Sunday afternoon and entry was only $20 but had to buy drinks on site, it was a 2hr+ ride to get there from my home and my 3 mates and myself with their GFs on back left early Friday morning so we got there early and set up a camping spot, but the day was very overcast but no rain, well we got there just after lunch time and was not many people there except for the club members and helpers still setting up.
So just off the dirt road/track we found a nice area a little way back from the entertaining area, we knew we might get rain over the weekend so I brought my 12'x12' canvas tarp we made a u shape area with the bikes and laid the ground sheets down and threw the tarp over 4 bikes for the sleeping bags and a nice dry place if it rains, Friday night was great no rain at all but about midday Saturday the light rains started just more low cloud in the valley and lots of moisture in the air.
Our camp was on a slight slope (well we thought it was a slight slope) about 100 yards from the above dirt road and by Saturday tents were set up all around our camp, people and bikes everywhere, lots of drinking, drugs and partying on but Saturday night was the big night planned with the good bands, we spent most of the time at the big bar and no sleep at all listening to the band and lots of drugs passed around, come about 7pm the heavens opened up and it started to piss down, but the bands kept playing and our leathers kept us dry and warm for some hours, but around midnight we were all under our cosey camp but we could still hear the music pretty good, but the rain kept coming but we kept partying under our camp with lot a pot and drinks, by this time the camp area was well and truly soaked and people sliding everywhere so we decided to pack up and leave first light Sunday and get out before the cops set up the road block at the end of the dirt road before getting back on the highway back home.
We were all still a bit pissed and stoned and the sun was just coming through the clouds but the rain had stopped about 4am, the ground was so soaked and slippery and we had to ride the bikes up that slight slope, not, well my mate Kevin got on his Wideglide and started up the slope rear wheel spinning and all over the place but he made it with a lot of effort, then it was my turn on my 81 Triumph Thunderbird, man was that slope slippery and I dragged my feet trying to control my bike, it was all over the place but I finally made it to the road to find Kevin pissing himself with laugher, I said what's so funny and he said look back, every tent I went past on both side of my trail my feet was ripping all the tent pegs out of the soaking wet ground and people inside the tents, some where yelling W T F but most kept sleeping lol, we yelled to the other 2 mates and said we will meet you both at the first garage on the way home and we got out of there real quick lol.
Well we got out before the cops started to set up the booze bus and road side search of every bike leaving and we were home before 7am the other two mate got out as well but with a few angry campers lol, we had finished all our pot anyway but we were still over the limit and stoned and we arrived home still sort of dry, by the way the rain hung around for a week after that weekend but it was a good fun weekend, well what I remembered of the night.
That was the last year the Rebels had their yearly party there.

Ashley
 
Oh, man, I started writing a book some time ago. I need to dig up my manuscript and pull some good ones from there...
 
This is not a bike story but it involved my best friend who we grew up and rode together, Eddie had a 1947 AJS 500 single (was originally a 350 but converted to a 500) and we both rode everywhere with it.
Well Eddie was on the dole (unemployed) and the dole office sent him to work at the local fruit cannery working on the food processing line, he hated that job and after a few months hated even more, one day he got the sh*ts with the line foreman and told him to go get f**ked before he knew it the big boss fronted him and said "did you tell the foreman to go fornicate himself" and Eddies reply was "no I told him to get f**ked, he was sacked on the spot and he was so happy at long last and he came to my place with a big grin on his face and so happy about losing his job.

Well a few months of bliss back on the dole and was time to play a trick on him, so I phone him up and put on my best straight voice other than my normal voice and pretended to be the dole office, and said he had to go for a job interview at the Cannery, "but I got the sack from there" in a very stressful voice, I then said "they have decided to give you a second chance and want you back".

Well about 10 minutes later I pull up at his place and with a straight face walked in he was sitting at the table with his lady friend all stressed and not happy at all, I asked him what's the matter and he told me "they want me back at the Cannery" and I said "but you got the sack" trying so hard not to break out in laugher, well it made an interesting visit I tell you and after about 3 hours with playing with his mind I couldn't help myself and burst into laugher, what's so funny he asked, "it was me" that phoned you, "you bastard" then we all broke out pissing ourselves, he was so relived.

We always were playing jokes on each other but I was the Master of them all and he tried his hardest to get back at me but never did, he was killed in a bike accident a few years later just down the road from my place on a friends bike, speed and booze involved, that was over 35 years ago but will never be forgotten.
By the way Eddie was his nick name, Steve was his real name.

Ashley
 
Some years ago after acquiring my Commando and getting it running I took it out to a secluded road to wring it out a bit .
This road had a gentle rise and peak that you could not see
beyond . I traveled the road in one direction and then turned around and on the return I opened it up briefly. The speedometer needle was bouncing back and forth and if I chose the median it indicated in excess of that magic number sometimes referred to as
2000 pounds . Waiting on the other side of the rise was a receptionist with a radar gun . After pulling over in deference to his flashing lights I killed the ignition and removed my helmet .
This officer wasn’t happy and he asked for license, registration,
etc . I have historic vehicle plates on it and I explained that I needed to open the side cover to retrieve the registration and insurance cards . With one hand on his sidearm he said I could do so SLOWLY ! I nervously fumbled with the dzus fastener and then gave him the paperwork. He took the registration card and walked back a few steps and compared the card to the tag . With a scowl and beet red face he said “ Antique vehicle huh ? I didn’t know antique vehicles could do xxx mph ! “
Not much for me to do but be honest . I said I had one of these as a much younger man and I had just got it running after much effort.
I then said “ It was very foolish of me Officer - I just wanted to see what it would do and if I found out any of my kids did something like this I would kill them .. “
He looked at me and the scowl melted away and one corner of his mouth hinted at the start of a grin . He shook his head and handed the paperwork back to me and asked me if I knew how lucky I
was . “ Yes sir - I sure do “ . He got back in his cruiser and waited till I was on my way then he turned around and took of in the other direction. It was a few years till I revealed this incident to Mrs . T .
 
Me and the lads had been itching to get out on our dirt bikes after a week of steady rain, and FINALLY the day dawned clear and hot. We crammed our 6 bikes into David's Dad's box trailer and off we went to the lake. We drove out to the staging area at the top of the abandoned Soap Box Derby hill and proceeded to unload on the pavement. Off they went in 5 different directions, (my '70 Penton 125 refused to start). I seem to recall I attempted a push start by rolling down the paved soap box derby hill.

None of them got further than the length of a bowling alley, most only 10 or 20 feet. The dirt in that entire region has very high clay content; after being thoroughly soaked for a week, it was the perfect recipe for planting motorycles up to the axles.

Took us every bit of 6 hours to haul one bike at a time back to the trailer, scrape off "most" (some?) of the mud, then pack 'em back in and get home. Took all of us taking turns, 2 at a time, to get my bike back up the bloody soap box derby track! Took another hour and a half to wash most of the rest of the mud off...

It was NOT funny while it was happening...
 
Funny thing happened while playing in the mud where we use to ride our dirt bikes at the old WW2 rife range I was riding my old Honda 250 Elsinore with Pasco exhaust system, its been raining for a week so the old rife range was soaking and down the lower part of the range beside the road was very red muddy clay the rain had stopped and the sun was out and every one was out on their bike although it was slippery riding around.
Well this day our local Sandgate police decided to have a crack down on the bikes riding around the Rife Range, was an ongoing thing with them, the head detective of Sandgate was a bit of a arse hole, his name was Akerson (we all called him pin head as he had a funny shaped head lol) well I was just putting around slowly down in the slippery clay mud and unknown to me pin head jumped out from behind a tree and was just about to grab hold of me from behind but at the same time I decided to gun the Elsinore, next min I heard pin head scream and shouting and I looked back my back wheel covered him in mud and he went down head first in the mud and he was shouting "I get you Pricey" but I made a quick get away.
We had a quick hiding place up the top of the rife range my mate lived a 100 yards from the top of the street that ended at the range, so when the cop raided down below we all head to his house and back yard, by the time the cops got up there we were all gone, they could never workout we had a hiding place.
This was back in the 70s and the old rife range is now long gone got leveled and houses are now built on there, as for Pin Head back in the late 90s he became police commissioner of the Queensland police force, he was a very corrupted cop in his days at Sandgate, but there was a lot of corruption in the Queensland police force in the early days and it ever brought down a Government as well one police commissioner was jailed (Lewis) before pin head became commissioner, they put another corrupt cop in charge (he never got caught).
By the way he never did get me but he busted a mate that he planted a bag of dope in his glovebox while searching his car.

Ashley
 
Just been sitting here and remembering my old mate Eddie (Steve his real name but we all called him Eddie) Eddie had a 1947 AJS single but he converted it to a 500, back in the early days we rode everywhere together and this weekend run was with everyone we were all traveling a 100 miles away for a mates 21st birthday party out bush on a mates farm, well we were all cruising about 70mph on the open road including Eddie on his AJS when the AJS just died and when he pulled the spark plug out the electrode was squashed flat but kept doing it when put back in and kicking it over, luck a friend had his ute, (pickup to you yanks) and was put in the back al week end and back home trip.
Well once he got it home he decided to take the head off to have a look, this is what we found and the cause of the spark plug, the mounting bolt on his rear tank mound had dropped of as his AJS didn't run with a air filter fitted the bolt and washer (large bolt and washer) got sucked into the carb where we found the bolt the washer had got sucked into the motor and was sitting on top of the piston, what caused the spark plug to flatten, recovered the bolt and washer and only damage was a few indents in top of the piston, we both had a good laugh about it, put the head back on and spark plug back in and away she went.
Moral of the story use a good spring washer and a bit of loctite on the thread of his rear tank mount lol.
Funny how things like that just pops in my head as Eddie has been gone now for over 35+ years, he was one of my best mates.
Another funny thing with Eddie he had a missing one or two top front teeth and one day a mate took a pic of Eddie and he also took a pic of a mates front of his HR Holden, but some how the 2 pics doubled exposures and Eddie had a perfect pic with the HR number plate on his chest, just looked like a police mug shot with Eddie smiling and his missing front tooth, top pic and fitted Eddie perfectly. I miss my old mate.

Ashley
 
Just remembered this story of my youth, back in the 70s and one of our mates we grew up with was a surfy sort of guy, loved the coast life style he only lived around the corner and a few streets away and we were all getting into dirt bikes and Vince wanted to join the dirt bike craze, he brough a Suzie TS 400 motor crosser for $400, it was a weapon and to much for Vince, but he only had it for a few days when the motor seized up, lock tight, he pulled one side case of but gave up was just too much for his salt water effected brain, so I said big money to fix and offered to take it off his hands for $100 and he took it so I pushed it home and that side case he took off was just screwed back on loosely, so I decided to take the other side case off the motor and behold what I found, the crank nut had come lose and caused the crank to get misaligned and jammed into the front crank case, I just tighten up the crank nut and the crank came back to where it suppose to be and the motor turned freely again.
Well I put both side case back on and fired it up, but I couldn't resist the temptation and next thing I was doing a wheelie past Vince's place, it was a very powerful and fast motor crosser and Vince came running out side when I came back past on the back wheel and giving Vince a cheeky wave as I went past him, he was stunned with only selling the bike to me within less than an hour before, I kept going and didn't stop to rub it in, as being a very loud bike I just wanted to get back home before someone called the cops, but within 5 minutes Vince was around asking how I fixed it, and I told him if he had pulled the other side cover off he would have seen the lose crank nut and man did I rub it in, I sold the bike next day for $400.

Ashley
 
Just remembered this story of my youth, back in the 70s and one of our mates we grew up with was a surfy sort of guy, loved the coast life style he only lived around the corner and a few streets away and we were all getting into dirt bikes and Vince wanted to join the dirt bike craze, he brough a Suzie TS 400 motor crosser for $400, it was a weapon and to much for Vince, but he only had it for a few days when the motor seized up, lock tight, he pulled one side case of but gave up was just too much for his salt water effected brain, so I said big money to fix and offered to take it off his hands for $100 and he took it so I pushed it home and that side case he took off was just screwed back on loosely, so I decided to take the other side case off the motor and behold what I found, the crank nut had come lose and caused the crank to get misaligned and jammed into the front crank case, I just tighten up the crank nut and the crank came back to where it suppose to be and the motor turned freely again.
Well I put both side case back on and fired it up, but I couldn't resist the temptation and next thing I was doing a wheelie past Vince's place, it was a very powerful and fast motor crosser and Vince came running out side when I came back past on the back wheel and giving Vince a cheeky wave as I went past him, he was stunned with only selling the bike to me within less than an hour before, I kept going and didn't stop to rub it in, as being a very loud bike I just wanted to get back home before someone called the cops, but within 5 minutes Vince was around asking how I fixed it, and I told him if he had pulled the other side cover off he would have seen the lose crank nut and man did I rub it in, I sold the bike next day for $400.

Ashley
Arsehole act that Ash you should have taken the $100 and given the bike back.In my not humble opinion
 
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