Post your jokes and humor here.

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Back to jokes and stuff....

Post your jokes and humor here.
 
SteveBorland said:
Used to be told with *insert any American beer here*, but now 2 things have happened.
American micro breweries can actually produce decent beer, and now there's lots of low or no alcohol beers available that actually taste good.

Danes used to take the piss over Swedish light beer, turns out they were right all along!
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No alcohol beer...thats right up there with decaf coffee and inflatable love dolls. You go through all the motions but the feeling just ain't there.
 
Week ago, my Mother-in-law
began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it over to the beach and threw it into the ocean
off a fishing pier. I went and bought another copy, ran the faucet over it and left it in
the night table drawer by her bed.
I'm going to Hell
 
Dogsbody said:
Week ago, my Mother-in-law
began reading, "The Exorcist". She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it over to the beach and threw it into the ocean
off a fishing pier. I went and bought another copy, ran the faucet over it and left it in
the night table drawer by her bed.
I'm going to Hell
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You better hope she doesn't go to hell as well - you'll be in double-hell!
 
texasSlick said:
Ok, now you guys have reminded me of this one ......















CEO's of beer brewers are at a convention. At break time, they head to the complimentary beer dispensary. The Aussie says, let me have a Fosters, the best beer in Australia.







The American says let me have a Bud, king of beers.







The German says Give me a Lowenbrau, best beer since 1400!







The Irishman says I'll have club soda with a twist of lime.















All the men look ai him in amazement. Then one asks, Paddy, aren't you going to have a Guinness?"















Paddy answers, "If you blokes aren't drinking, neither am DlI















Slick











Slick there is a joke in that joke, Aussies don't drink Foster's at all, it's not the best beer in Aus, infact it's the worst beer that is why it's exported to the rest of the world, that's our joke to the world here.
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Ashman:


One has to take poetic license when telling a joke. I use Fosters as the Aussie beer because if I used any other Aussie beer, no one would know of it. Bud is only the King of Beers because Anheuser Busch claims so, but it is known by many, so it is included in the joke. Lowenbrau is not even close to being the oldest beer, that distinction goes to Weihenstephan, brewed since 1040. The joke could be " The German CEO says Give me a Weihenstephan, the world's oldest beer" . But that would leave the jokesters audience bumfuddled.

So ........ what beer is in the fridge in your shed?

Slick
 
texasSlick said:
Ashman:































































































One has to take poetic license when telling a joke. I use Fosters as the Aussie beer because if I used any other Aussie beer, no one would know of it. Bud is only the King of Beers because Anheuser Busch claims so, but it is known by many, so it is included in the joke. Lowenbrau is not even close to being the oldest beer, that distinction goes to Weihenstephan, brewed since 1040. The joke could be " The German CEO says Give me a Weihenstephan, the world's oldest beer" . But that would leave the jokesters audience bumfuddled.































































So ........ what beer is in the fridge in your shed?

Slick

I normally drink XXXX heavy brewed here in Brisbane but over the years the have lowered the alcohol contents as here in Aust our beer is taxed to the hilt, the higher the alcohol content the more tax the brewers have to pay, the original XXXX use to be well over 5% but now is about 4.6% it's getter close to mid strength beer, I also drink Coppers stout at 6.3% and there normal heavy beer at 5.6% all naturally brewed and has the secoLotnd fermentation in the bottle for 2 weeks before its sold.

Most brewers now are making lite beers but I will always drink heavy beers, take less to get pissed lol, but I also love my Jim Bean as well.

Ashley
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This past January on a bitterly cold winter's day, a North
Dakota State Trooper on patrol came upon a motorcyclist who
was stalled by the roadside. The biker was swathed in heavy
clothing and wearing a full-face helmet for protection from
the cold weather. "What's the matter? asked the Trooper.
"Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply. "Pee on it.
That'll thaw it out." "I can't," said the biker. "OK, watch
me closely and I'll show you." The Trooper unzipped and
promptly warmed the carburetor as promised. Moments later
the bike started and the rider drove off, waving. A few days
later, the local State Troopers' office received a note of
thanks from the father of the motorcyclist. It began: "On
behalf of my daughter, Jill..."
 
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