Post your jokes and humor here.

I have a party 7 buried in my garden for emergencies!
 

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This is a risqué joke broadcast by a British comedian Max Miller that got him banned by the BBC years ago.

I was walking along high up this narrow cliffside path only wide enough for one person. I saw a beautiful young woman walking towards me, she was completely naked.

I did not know what to do, should I block her passage or toss myself off?
 
SteveBorland said:
This is a risqué joke broadcast by a British comedian Max Miller that got him banned by the BBC years ago.

I was walking along high up this narrow cliffside path only wide enough for one person. I saw a beautiful young woman walking towards me, she was completely naked.

I did not know what to do, should I block her passage or toss myself off?
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Personally I'd opt to block her passage rather than toss myself off :cool:

The Max Miller joke is a bit like the one where Quasimodo is lying broken bruised and crumpled in a heap at the foot of Notre Dame and he says to Esmeralda " when I said to toss me off I didn't mean like that !
 
The joke that got Kenny Everett fired from BBC 2:
"When England was a kingdom, we had a king. When we were an empire, we had an emperor. Now we're a country, and we have Margaret Thatcher."
 
Back about 1970 we had a Sydney radio DJ, (Ward Austin) who went a bit far one day. He started a motorbike add with “ Girls, how would you like something big, red and throbbing between your legs,………………………………………………… Hop on a Honda from only x dollars a day. The radio station switchboard was jammed with complaints, and he was promptly marched out of the building never to return. Quite a sensation at the time.

ando
 
ando said:
Back about 1970 we had a Sydney radio DJ, (Ward Austin) who went a bit far one day. He started a motorbike add with “ Girls, how would you like something big, red and throbbing between your legs,………………………………………………… Hop on a Honda from only x dollars a day. The radio station switchboard was jammed with complaints, and he was promptly marched out of the building never to return. Quite a sensation at the time.

ando
Click to expand...
And I thought this was going to be about the radio show where they asked "where was the last place you had sex" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
 
It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:?'Patrick Henry, 1775'he said.

'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?''

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F ___ the Indians,'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?' Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.'

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!' And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was Lehman Brothers, September 15th, 2008'.
 
There used to be a game show on here in the US called Hollywood Squares. It was nothing more than was tic tac toe where the celeberties were asked a question and the contestant would either agree or disagree with the answer to win that square. Paul Lynde was asked the question "what do you do in case of fallout" which most would associate with nuclear war maybe? His answer "reinsert and take shorter strokes"
 
It was the postie’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the post through all kinds of weather.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for £500.

At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold box.

The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old Scotch whisky.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she gave him the best seeing to he had ever experienced.

When he was truly spent, they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed him a giant breakfast:
eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, and freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was finished she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a Five Pound note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the fiver for?"

"Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you.

“He said, ‘f**k him. Give him a fiver.’

"................... but the breakfast was my idea."
 
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