Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals 2. Conservatives.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer.
This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement....
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing
up for the nightly BBQs and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy
liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the
elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled
water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their
women. Conservatives are big game hunters. They are rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military,
airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little. They prefer to govern the producers.... and decide what to do with the
production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get
something for nothing.
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it
will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.
Me? I'm going to take another piss for more beer rental room!
