Post your jokes and humor here.

Post your jokes and humor here.
 
One for our British friends, the winner in this weeks NZ Listener (magazine) Wordsworth competition,

The condition of Boris' mane
Would cause many a hairdresser pain
But imagine the shock
If the state of his locks
Reflected the state of his brain
 
I think it is the New York Times that runs a "word of the year" competition.
Some years ago the winner was "ignoranus".
The definition of this new, hybrid word is "A person who is ignorant and an arsehole".
Very handy word at times!
 
I think it is the New York Times that runs a "word of the year" competition.
Some years ago the winner was "ignoranus".
The definition of this new, hybrid word is "A person who is ignorant and an arsehole".
Very handy word at times!
The term "askhole" always makes me laugh!!!
 
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude.
Priest: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Hi George. Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow today, aren't they?
George: Oh yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight while saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play here anytime free of charge.
SILENCE.
Priest: That's so sad, I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there is anything we can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?
 
Here's a good one
"I went to a garage and filled up with petrol"
 
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A friend of mine runs McDonald's French fry grease in his VW rabbit.. HONESTLY!
 
A friend of mine runs McDonald's French fry grease in his VW rabbit.. HONESTLY!
TBH only been in McD twice in my life, and only then for internet access.. Our local one smells more like a machine shop than a food outlet, not appetizing in the least...
 
My wife of 41 yrs has never eaten at mclicks … … the Doctor access joke is same here in Nova Scotia , less than a million population total , 70,000 plus have no access what so ever to a Doc , Gov. trying to setup virtual care , I suspect folks without a Doc have no computer either , why they got left out in the first place …. Duh ….
 
Our local town has a big M and with the vents from the place you can smell the crap before you see the place, I have only eaten it once never again even my kids hated it and the burgers never look the same as what on the menu board, give me a home made burger anytime and I feel sorry for the poor kids that work there.
 
A man and a woman are seated next to each other on a flight. They start eying each other, and both realize they want to do the same thing. He slips a condom out of his pocket, and she looks delighted. "Rear toilet?" He suggests... "Five minutes?"...She agrees and goes off... He waits five minutes, then goes and slips into the rear toilet with her..."Right," she says... "Get that condom on." Soon, they are both sighing with pleasure.
But a sharp eyed stewardess has noticed them, and realized what they are up to, so, she humiliates them by making an announcement over the PA system..."To the lady and gentleman in the rear toilet, we know what you are doing, and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations. Now, please put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector."...And what were you thinking? ;o))
 
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