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I spent the first year we had them caulking everything I could. It helped a lot, but they find any tiny hole to get through. Tree fell on the roof during Sandy and had to replace part of the roof, when they took the plywood off, under the plywood was thick with millions of them. I get maybe 1-3 in the house on a warm winter day now. I keep a dust pan handy with a butane torch to burn them. Keeps the smell down and I don't like to touch them.
Mmmmm roasted stink bug.
 
I've heard some say that they taste like cilantro. I have my doubts. I think there was an entomologist one time that actually tried one and he said it burned and spit it out. I've seen some dogs that eat them, but most won't. Not sure birds like them either. At least they've been reduced to a bother, the first couple years it was horrible for the last weeks of summer when they were trying to find a hiding space from the cold. It was bad even going outside, at least here in the country. There was one for every 12 cubic inches in the air. I couldn't walk around in the house without stepping on one.
 
A business woman was diving several hundred kilometres home after a week of business in a major US city.

She noticed an elderly Indian woman walking alongside the road in the middle of nowhere and decided to offer her a lift.

The old woman accepted the offer without a word then remained silent in the passenger seat for the next half hour.

The business woman observed her occasionally staring at a bottle of red wine, resting in the centre console, which she had bought for her husband having not seen him for a week.

“I got that for my husband”, she offered as an explanation.

The old woman stared at her for several minutes before declaring, "Good trade!”
 
I've heard some say that they taste like cilantro. I have my doubts. I think there was an entomologist one time that actually tried one and he said it burned and spit it out. I've seen some dogs that eat them, but most won't. Not sure birds like them either. At least they've been reduced to a bother, the first couple years it was horrible for the last weeks of summer when they were trying to find a hiding space from the cold. It was bad even going outside, at least here in the country. There was one for every 12 cubic inches in the air. I couldn't walk around in the house without stepping on one.
HAHAHAHA.. could be cilantro, I cant stand that stuff.... LOL....
 
Little Johnny was in religion class at school at Christmas time when the nun asked "What do we know about the parents of Jesus?"
And little Johnny raised his hand and said "Oh sister, we know Mary was a bitch."
The nun was too taken aback to rap him on the knuckles and and blurted out "Little Johnny, that is wicked, just WHY would you SAY that!!!"
Little Johnny said "Because sister, it says so right there in the bible."
So the nun thinks, and say, "No it doesn't, why do you continue to say such a wicked thing?"
Little Johnny says, "But sister, didn't Mary ride on a donkey to Jerusalem led by Joseph?"
And the nun say "Well, yes..."
With a sly little grin, little Johnny say "Cooooorrect sister, the bible says Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Jerusalem..."
 
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............ No relation to the 'empire' here, I just know youse guys like to use 'arse', normally I would have said butt.......
well "butt" wouldn't work with one.. Possibly it was "arse" originally..... However I heard it like this: The cabin boy, the cabin boy, the dirty little nipper, filled his ass full of broken glass and circumcised the skipper.
 
well "butt" wouldn't work with one.. Possibly it was "arse" originally..... However I heard it like this: The cabin boy, the cabin boy, the dirty little nipper, filled his ass full of broken glass and circumcised the skipper.
Yes that works with ass, but it also works with arse if one speaks the Queens English...
 
Jack dies and finds himself in hell.

Devil: Hi Jack! Welcome to hell. Don't worry, this place isn't as bad as it's cracked up to be.
For example, do you like to smoke?

Jack: Well, yeah, I do.

Devil: Good! You are going to like Mondays. On Mondays, we bring in the best tobacco from all over the world .... Havana cigars, Turkish cigarettes, only the best .... you name it.
Do you like to drink?

Jack: Well yeah!

Devil: Man, you are going to like Tuesdays. On Tuesdays, we bring in the best liquors from all aver the world ..... what's your pleasure? Single malt scotch, finest wines, Champaign, best beers, you name it. Do you like to party?

Jack: Oh yeah, Man, I do!

Devil: Man, you are going to like Wednesdays. On Wednesday, we bring in the world's best entertainment. Chorus girls from Vegas, Geishas from Japan, Live music from the best who have passed. Man if you like partys, you are going to like Wednesdays! Say, are you gay?

Jack: Hell no! Oh begging your pardon sir, not me, no way, I'm straight as an arrow, sir.

Devil: Hmm.... You are not going to like Thursdays!
 
Jack dies and finds himself in hell.

Devil: Hi Jack! Welcome to hell. Don't worry, this place isn't as bad as it's cracked up to be.
For example, do you like to smoke?

Jack: Well, yeah, I do.

Devil: Good! You are going to like Mondays. On Mondays, we bring in the best tobacco from all over the world .... Havana cigars, Turkish cigarettes, only the best .... you name it.
Do you like to drink?

Jack: Well yeah!

Devil: Man, you are going to like Tuesdays. On Tuesdays, we bring in the best liquors from all aver the world ..... what's your pleasure? Single malt scotch, finest wines, Champaign, best beers, you name it. Do you like to party?

Jack: Oh yeah, Man, I do!

Devil: Man, you are going to like Wednesdays. On Wednesday, we bring in the world's best entertainment. Chorus girls from Vegas, Geishas from Japan, Live music from the best who have passed. Man if you like partys, you are going to like Wednesdays! Say, are you gay?

Jack: Hell no! Oh begging your pardon sir, not me, no way, I'm straight as an arrow, sir.

Devil: Hmm.... You are not going to like Thursdays!
There is a pirate version of that one that is funny, too.
 
Here's one for your friends, ask them, 'What do you call nuts on the chest?' They may get it right away and answer chestnuts, but maybe not, prompt them. Next ask them what do you call nuts on the wall, well, of course Walnuts, now they're hooked. Then ask them what do you call nuts on the chin. They may or may not figure out blow job.
 
Ok.... not a joke, but a true funny story.

My son in law, John, takes his Triumph Commander into the local Harley/Triumph shop for routine service.

While his is waiting to check in his bike, a uniformed Tyler city police officer brings in his Service Harley.

John walks over to him and asks, "So .... what are you in for?"

Slick
 
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Check this
 

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F*CK YOU
Who knows who wrote this F*cking thing?

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language is the word "F*ck". It is one magical word, which, just by it's sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love , and hate. In language, "F*ck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John f*cked Mary) and interactive (Mary was f*cked by John). It can be an active verb (John really gives a f*ck). Or a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a f*ck). Or an abverb (Mary is very f*cking interested in John) and as a noun (Mary is a terrific f*ck). It can even be used as an adjective (Mary is f*cking beautiful). As you can see, there are very few words with the versatility of "F*ck".

Besides it's sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

Greetings How the f*ck are you?
Fraud I got f*cked by the guy who sold it
Dismay Oh, f*ck it
Trouble I'm f*cked now
Aggression F*ck you!
Disgust F*ck me!
Confusion What the f*ck?
Difficulty I don't understand this f*cking shit
Despair F*cked again
Incompetence He f*cks up everything
Displeasure What the f*ck is going on here?
Lost Where the f*ck are we?
Disbelief Unf*ckingbelievable!

It can even be political-F*ck Joe Biden!

And never forget Custer's last words: Where'd all them f*ckin Indians come from? Also, the famous last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: What the f*ck was that? And last but not least, the immortal last words of the captain of the Titanic, who said "Where is all that f*cking water coming from?"

The mind boggles at all the thoughts of all the many creative uses of the word! How can anyone be offended when you say f*ck? Use it in your daily speech...it ads to your prestige.

Today, say to someone...F*CK YOU !!
 
I wish you would tone your language done a bit, I got enough of that working in a factory !!!!
 
Hilarious misprint in Friday‘s paper: just the MT should have been TM but it makes all the difference...

This poor guy in England got Covid-19. He was very sick, put onto mechanical ventilation for 2 months and into an artificial coma.

Only, the article says he got very sick, was forced to become a civil servant for two months .......

(Happily, he is now out of hospital )

Best to all, Martin
 

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