- Joined
- May 21, 2011
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- 433
One day in school the teacher was getting the kids to understand proverbs, so she asks the kids to tell a story to illustrate a proverb.
Little Johnny raised his hand first and was trying to get called on, but the teacher knew he was trouble and was hoping to run the clock out on him because it was almost lunchtime, so she calls on Stuart, the smart one, to go first.
Stuart told his story: "My aunt Jenny says that when she does the wash, we always look at the socks and shirts and everything and sew up the little rips and tears to keep the clothes fixed so they last longer."
Teacher says "So what is the proverb for this one?"
And Stuart replies " A stitch in time saves nine, teacher."
And teacher says "Very good Stuart."
And Stuart turns and glances over at little Johnny smugly and looks back forward.
So little Johnny raises his hard quickly, and teacher looks away and calls on little Suzy.
Suzy says "My uncle Tim has a farm. When we stay there we get to go get the chicken eggs. We take some baskets and don't fill them too full. THAT way, we drop one we then done lose too many eggs."
Teacher says "So what is the proverb for this one, honey?"
And Suzy says " Dont put your eggs in one basket, teacher."
And teacher says "Very good Suzy."
And Suzy turns to look at little Johnny and sticks her tongue out and turns back forward.
So, little Johnny raises his hand again, and teacher looks at the clock and realizes she is going to have to call on him, so, with a deep sigh, and with some real misgivings, she gives in and does.
Little Johnny's story goes like this "Well, MY uncle BOB was a pilot in Vietnam. And his plane got shot down. So he had to use the ejector seat. He grabbed his knife, and his machine gun and a bottle of whisky before he was ejected. On the way down in his parachute, the enemy was shooting at him, so he drank the whole bottle of whisky. When he hit the ground the enemy came to get him! So he started to shoot them. He shot them in the head and there was blood and brains flying all over, some of them he shot in the guts until their intestines were hanging to the ground before they fell and died. After he ran out of bullets he got the knife and was stabbing them in the eyes, and cutting their throats, and slicing their bellies open and Uncle Bob was covered in blood and there was blood and guts everywhere. Uncle Bob lost the knife and had to fight hand to hand and use his thumbs to gouge out their eyes, and his mouth to rip their throats open with his teeth. The dead bodies just piled up until the enemy was all dead. After they were dead he peed all over them and grabbed hand fulls of their guts and wrapped them around his neck like jewelry. Then Uncle Bob ran into the jungle covered in blood and guts until he found some Americans to take him back to the base..."
By this time most of the class was softly whimpering, Stuart was sucking his thumb and looking off in a thousand yard stare and little Suzy was rocking back and forth softly talking to herself.
Teacher said "My God, Johnny! What was THAT all about!!!!"
And little Johnny said "Dont you want to know about the proverb, teacher? You asked for a story so we could say a proverb, I was just trying to do good, teacher."
And she thinks, well, maybe I might get some control back, so she stammers " Well..., umm,..... ok, yes, what is it?
And little Johnny says with a grin "Dont fuck with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking!"
Little Johnny raised his hand first and was trying to get called on, but the teacher knew he was trouble and was hoping to run the clock out on him because it was almost lunchtime, so she calls on Stuart, the smart one, to go first.
Stuart told his story: "My aunt Jenny says that when she does the wash, we always look at the socks and shirts and everything and sew up the little rips and tears to keep the clothes fixed so they last longer."
Teacher says "So what is the proverb for this one?"
And Stuart replies " A stitch in time saves nine, teacher."
And teacher says "Very good Stuart."
And Stuart turns and glances over at little Johnny smugly and looks back forward.
So little Johnny raises his hard quickly, and teacher looks away and calls on little Suzy.
Suzy says "My uncle Tim has a farm. When we stay there we get to go get the chicken eggs. We take some baskets and don't fill them too full. THAT way, we drop one we then done lose too many eggs."
Teacher says "So what is the proverb for this one, honey?"
And Suzy says " Dont put your eggs in one basket, teacher."
And teacher says "Very good Suzy."
And Suzy turns to look at little Johnny and sticks her tongue out and turns back forward.
So, little Johnny raises his hand again, and teacher looks at the clock and realizes she is going to have to call on him, so, with a deep sigh, and with some real misgivings, she gives in and does.
Little Johnny's story goes like this "Well, MY uncle BOB was a pilot in Vietnam. And his plane got shot down. So he had to use the ejector seat. He grabbed his knife, and his machine gun and a bottle of whisky before he was ejected. On the way down in his parachute, the enemy was shooting at him, so he drank the whole bottle of whisky. When he hit the ground the enemy came to get him! So he started to shoot them. He shot them in the head and there was blood and brains flying all over, some of them he shot in the guts until their intestines were hanging to the ground before they fell and died. After he ran out of bullets he got the knife and was stabbing them in the eyes, and cutting their throats, and slicing their bellies open and Uncle Bob was covered in blood and there was blood and guts everywhere. Uncle Bob lost the knife and had to fight hand to hand and use his thumbs to gouge out their eyes, and his mouth to rip their throats open with his teeth. The dead bodies just piled up until the enemy was all dead. After they were dead he peed all over them and grabbed hand fulls of their guts and wrapped them around his neck like jewelry. Then Uncle Bob ran into the jungle covered in blood and guts until he found some Americans to take him back to the base..."
By this time most of the class was softly whimpering, Stuart was sucking his thumb and looking off in a thousand yard stare and little Suzy was rocking back and forth softly talking to herself.
Teacher said "My God, Johnny! What was THAT all about!!!!"
And little Johnny said "Dont you want to know about the proverb, teacher? You asked for a story so we could say a proverb, I was just trying to do good, teacher."
And she thinks, well, maybe I might get some control back, so she stammers " Well..., umm,..... ok, yes, what is it?
And little Johnny says with a grin "Dont fuck with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking!"
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